Introduction to the three-step model [Podcast 4]

Download this episode (25 min)
Read this episode entry
Nick Drummond talks with psychologist Mats Edin about the three-step model, which is used for creating more positive and more responsible behaviour in individuals and groups.

(NB: Each of the steps in the three steps can also be found in the widely accepted and evidence-based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). What is new is that we introduce a perspective to each of the steps that shines light on our ability to take absolute responsibility for our behaviour and the choices we are making, and to do so immediately.)

Step 1: Give attention to positive behaviour
This is, optimally, the most important and perhaps also the most demanding step. The reason is that we are very unaccustomed to focus on the desired behaviour.

Give attention to, i.e. strengthen, reinforce and reward that which is positive and developmental.  How do we know or distinguish between what is positive and negative? What is developmental depends on the group, individual, context and perspective from which we look and judge what leads to development, for the group and for the individual.

How can we reward the positive in a way that is good? This is something we have to investigate and learn. We have for too long put all our energy and attention on that which is negative - it's time we do the opposite!

Step 2: Ignore negative behaviour
This step is very demanding because we will find ourselves compulsively wanting to reprimand, i.e. nag about negative behaviour. We must endure the feeling of "not doing or saying anything", and wait until the right moment arrives - one where we can reward the desired behaviour.

This step assumes that there is a functioning bond/relationship between the teacher/parent and the student/child. It doesn't help to ignore someone's behaviour if it doesn't mean anything for that person to be given attention by a particular adult. The adult's attention has to mean something and it can mean something relatively fast. For this the adult must have presence and attentiveness, i.e. the adult must shift his/her attention from themselves (emotions and thoughts) to the field of development that is already happening around them.

When we have done this they will want even more attention. Only when this is the case can we modify a particular behaviour by ignoring it. We must do this in a way that is subliminal. You can't ignore in an aggressive or conscious way - there is no aggression or showing of strong emotions (love or anger) whatsoever in any of the steps.

Not even in step three.

(NB. Negative behaviour tends to increase initially, sometimes radically, when we begin ignoring it, especially when we have always giving it attention. However after this initial period of hours, days or weeks it decreases as we keep on ignoring it and only reward positive behaviour. It is also indicates that the relationship is improving.)

Step 3:  Stop what has to be stopped
This step can also be called Yellow card/Red card because we should, in most cases like in sports, give one chance before a consequence, e.g. removal. This step could be very demanding because we are afraid to take a strong position. Here we must go all the way, i.e. never yield - no matter how angry or sad the child/adolescence becomes.

You are prepared to go all the way because you realise that a particular behaviour must be stopped.

"But we have tried stopping it many times and it just doesn't work!"

"Trying" doesn't really sound all that convincing. If we really want to stop a negative behaviour we do more than "try".  We just do it. This step needs to be taken only once by any adult. When we show the child or adolescent that we won't back down, no matter what they do, they stop testing and develop confidence in Life and in us.

In step three we can really free up our creativity and inventiveness. We need to think outside of the box and do what will shock people and have an effect - without being violent, offensive or misusing our position or power.